Hello guys!
First of all, I'm not exactly sure of what the outcome of this post is going to be. I'm feeling quite vulnerable right now and my feelings are probably taking a toll on me but I'm just going to go ahead and write because for probably the first time, I'm not completely thinking about what I'm writing and am just going to let my feelings guide me into wherever this might go.
Secondly, I'm sorry to disappoint you but this isn't going to be a story of anything related to romantic rejection although it may be as sappy as those but this is really far from that.
But why don't we just dive in to rejection first?
But why don't we just dive in to rejection first?
It doesn't matter if it's about romantic feelings or if you got rejected a job offer or school offer, the bottom line is it will hurt. It will make you feel invalid, might make you think that you're not good enough as well (which is what I'm thinking right now. Haha!)
Rejection sucks and I'm still trying to work my way around it right now.
The most obvious question y'all probably have right now is, "What did she get rejected for?"
Answer? I applied for this prestigious program for a prestigious school for the first time in my life. Why the first time, you ask? Because if there's anything I fear the most, It will probably be rejection. I don't remember taking any risks before this and I even let chances and opportunities pass because I was too scared of getting rejected. But for some reason, I was incredibly committed into getting into that program that I took a chance even though there was only a small possibility that I would even get accepted. Maybe it was because everything in my life right now has been so difficult that I just wanted a validation that I am still good enough. That I haven't completely lost touch with myself and that academically, I can still come through.
By now, you probably know what happened. The title and the amount of times that I used that word, you should be able to figure out that I got rejected. I received my rejection e-mail this morning when I woke up. It was literally the first thing I read as I woke up and you could imagine how that would be but it didn't completely sink in just yet. I was able to go and watch the NBA Finalsーwhich by the way, Golden States Warriors won. Yippee!ー but when I finally had time alone and the chance to read that email over and over again.... yup. That's when the tears came and I just cried. I didn't know that it is going to be this emotional for me. I kept making myself believe that I wasn't even expecting to get accepted blah blah but the thing is that no matter how many times you tell yourself that you will not assume or expect, you will. You just will assume and expect. It's human nature.
So now, I'm writing a blog post this because this is what I think is going to make me feel better. It did. A bit.
But I don't want to end this post being all negative and sad so let's look at this more positively, I'm proud of myself because even if I was scared & even if I'm breaking down right now, I still did it. I did it. For the first time in a VERY long time, I did not let fear stop me from doing what I wanted to do even if there was no guarantee of a positive outcome. It feels good and, of course let's be real it is also traumatizing but I'm still proud of myself.
We keep telling people that it's okay to not be okay and this is me accepting that I'm not going to be completely okay for awhile.
I might be feeling shitty right now but I believe I can get over this.
And we all know that sometimes believing everything will be okay is more than enough.
By now, you probably know what happened. The title and the amount of times that I used that word, you should be able to figure out that I got rejected. I received my rejection e-mail this morning when I woke up. It was literally the first thing I read as I woke up and you could imagine how that would be but it didn't completely sink in just yet. I was able to go and watch the NBA Finalsーwhich by the way, Golden States Warriors won. Yippee!ー but when I finally had time alone and the chance to read that email over and over again.... yup. That's when the tears came and I just cried. I didn't know that it is going to be this emotional for me. I kept making myself believe that I wasn't even expecting to get accepted blah blah but the thing is that no matter how many times you tell yourself that you will not assume or expect, you will. You just will assume and expect. It's human nature.
So now, I'm writing a blog post this because this is what I think is going to make me feel better. It did. A bit.
But I don't want to end this post being all negative and sad so let's look at this more positively, I'm proud of myself because even if I was scared & even if I'm breaking down right now, I still did it. I did it. For the first time in a VERY long time, I did not let fear stop me from doing what I wanted to do even if there was no guarantee of a positive outcome. It feels good and, of course let's be real it is also traumatizing but I'm still proud of myself.
We keep telling people that it's okay to not be okay and this is me accepting that I'm not going to be completely okay for awhile.
I might be feeling shitty right now but I believe I can get over this.
And we all know that sometimes believing everything will be okay is more than enough.
Que te vaya bien����
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